Clarks Conscience

The Love of my life

2012-02-17T08:27:00.001-06:00

February 17, 2007 I was preparing to walk down the aisle of a small church in Cabot and marry my knight in shining armor. That day has changed my life for the better and I couldn't be happier.

I've made many mistakes in my life. Some I'm still learning from. I feel so undeserving of the love he shows me everyday. He's one of the few people in my life who have loved me undconditionally no matter how bad I've managed to mess up. That love is hard to come by and I'm so blessed to have found it. He is my best friend, my soulmate and my teammate. He loves God and leads our home the way God intended.

I want to grow old with you, Paul. I love you for so many reasons. Doing life with you has been an experience that I thank God for. I will always love you until I take my last breath.

This was one of the songs played at our wedding. I will stand next to you until death do us part.

Love you forever, AR

Karla Bonoff-Standing Right Next to Me

Love is like the wind,
Sometimes it blows your way,
And until now
It missed me somehow.

But when I turned around

I saw you standing there.
The sound of your voice -
I had no choice.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
Cause it's standing right next to me.

Beneath the moon tonight

I see it in your eyes -
No more false starts,
No more broken hearts.

I used to have a wish

One day I'd feel like this.

Now I know love exists

Cause it's standing right next to me.

Even in the dark,

Even when you're gone
I feel you in my heart.
I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this Now I know love exists
Cause it's standing right next to me.

JUST SMILE!!

2012-01-11T12:42:00.000-06:00

When Paul and I grocery shop, I usually wander around while he does all the shopping. That way we avoid any unnecessary threats towards each other or food fights in the aisles. I don't know what it is about the grocery store but we seem to irritate each other more during that 2 hour process than any other time. This last occasion, however, I decided to just push the cart and try this without having any confrontations. Which basically means I kept my mouth shut the whole time and let him do his thing and it actually turned out great! Go figure!!

At one point, he had to go back for something so I wedged myself and the cart in between some of those big freezer bins and waited for him. As I waited, I watched people. I completely shut noise out and just looked into people's faces, wondering what their story was. The lady with the three kids who looked like they could use a bath and a good meal, picking up items and then putting them back on the shelf. Telling her kids "no, we can't afford that!" The guy with a list, looking up at the aisle markers while on the phone explaining to that other person that "I can't find where it is!" Then there's the lady with her fur vest, manicured nails and jeweled fingers strutting, and yes, she was workin' it in the grocery store, talking to her teenage daughter who was texting on her phone the whole time. Each passed by and I wondered what their life was like.
So many others with blank stares, some with smiles, some that just looked so sad and I couldn't help but wonder were they happy? Where was their smile? Did somebody, anybody, really care about these people? It put me in some what of a somber mood for the next few hours. Wondering if these people had Jesus, did they have someone who truly made them happy, are they experiencing heartache right now or hurt of any kind? And why did I care so passionately all of a sudden?

This really weighed on my for a few days ( I don't know why) and it caused me to start looking at people differently. Trying to figure out what their heart was saying by looking at their faces. Wondering if I could make a difference in their day or just in one little moment. So I started just simply smiling at everybody. I would catch someone's eye and I'd smile. I've been surprised at the response. People are smiling back. Most people, except for that guy that I accidentally cut off on the freeway the other day. I smiled, he waved with one finger :/ (can't win them all) ;) I want people to know that even if I don't know you that I do care. I have a passion for people and I want to make a difference as much as I can. Because I know that when I do, that Jesus is getting all the glory! He's using me in that small moment and I couldn't ask for anything more in life. It's just a smile, I know, but all day, everyday, I reflect Him and if I'm not smiling, people may wonder where my happiness is. People may look at my scouring face and wonder if I have true happiness and as a Christian, it should be evident at all times! I'm not going to tattoo I love Jesus on my forehead and my life isn't always rainbows and kittens but that shouldn't stop me from sharing my smile and my happiness with people that cross my path everyday.

There's not really any deep philosophical meaning to this blog. I just wanted to share my thoughts. Smile at someone! Even when you aren't feeling it, just smile. You could change not only your demeanor but someone elses attitude, heart, and/or mind with one small little gesture. And to me, it's completely worth it!

On Display

2011-10-12T14:48:00.000-05:00

I have a few secret indulgences. Like...I love Eminem! I love watching drag races! I love to watch Real Housewives of New York and especially Real Housewives of New Jersey. I know, I know! I can't help myself.

One of the ladies on New Jersey recently put out a song titled 'On Display'. It talks about her life being on display every day and people waiting for her to fall, etc. I have to admit that I find the tune a little catchy. What can I say?? I'm a dork! HA!

However dorky the song might be to some, it sparked something in my brain and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I am on display! Everyone is on display. Young, old, poor, rich, each of us is on display whether we think we are or not. We are being watched by others all the time. Everything we say and do is being scrutinized by someone. As a Christian, this hits home with me. There are people watching and some are waiting for us to fall or trip up. There are going to be people who try to bring us down and slander our name. That's why it's so important for us to be strong and live our lives as Christ would want us to no matter what. We can't be perfect but we should display His love everyday. Eph 5:2 says "Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ" We are even on display for Christ to see!!! Job 34:21 "For His eyes are upon the ways of a man, and He sees all his steps" We need to keep in mind that we are living for Christ and we want others to see Him in us.

It's not easy at times but it is the most rewarding thing in life to know that I am a child of the King and I am living my life for Him so that others might see Him in me. I'm on display for Him and I want to make Him proud! When it gets tough and people are pushing you down, don't give up. Stand strong for Him and cling to His truth that's found in John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you...Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid".

Summer Fun!

2011-08-21T14:52:00.002-05:00

Gosh...I've got so much to catch up on that I don't even know where to begin! Let's see..
A couple of weeks after school was out, Tyler, Paul, Sarah and I went to West Virginia. This is where I call home! People always say you can't go back home but apparently those people don't know how good my home is :) So many awesome memories that I don't have enough space to get them all on here so you're going to have to take my word for it. It's a routine that I can't get out of when we go home. We eat, then we eat again, then we eat some more! I mean, what do you expect...we're Italians! And my Aunt knows how to throw down some kick-a recipes on us. The food combined with the great family makes for a very memorable week for us.

After WV, Tyler and I went to Meeker, CO to be part of the mission trip we do with the youth group from our church. It was awesome! I love being a part of that experience and sharing God's love with people that have no clue! Some of the little kids there didn't even know what a Bible was and so the church got together and passed Bibles out to them. It made me realize that I sometimes take my relationship with God for granted. Loving on those kids and sharing in that experience with Midtowne youth was exactly the boost my relationship with Him needed.

Came back from Meeker and it was off to the beach! Tyler had been wanting to go to the beach since last time we went so I decided that for his birthday that's what we were doing. The first night we sat out on the beach, looking up at the stars and hearing the rush of the waves hitting the shore...it was perfect! We talked about things and about the future and I went away with one of the most perfect memories we've ever shared.

With all that travel over, school started back up. This year is going to be bittersweet. It's his last year of high school and I'm so proud of him and all that he's overcome but I don't know if I'm ready for this chapter. I don't want to let go yet! :( Tuesday was the best day ever! After 14 years of being in and out of the hospital due to his leukemia, we were fully released with an excellent bill of health!!! THANK YOU GOD!!! That day was such a monumental day for us!! Then on Friday, he turned 18! Truly can't believe it. 18 and his senior year...(dramatic pause...insert tears) K, I'm done...like I was saying, Can't believe it! It's sad tho. I have some haters, a lot of people that think I'm one thing when I'm not, people who doubt me, people who chose not to be a part of my life. I hate that they are missing out. I can't describe the hurt this has caused. They can say what they want about me but one thing that will never be able to be said and that is that I'm not a good mother. When Tyler was born, I gave him to God. And everyday after that I've tried my best to help him understand how important his relationship with his Heavenly Father is. I love that boy and couldn't be prouder of him.

My husband has been a staple in my life and I'm so thankful that he's been there with me, by my side, through everything and has supported and loved me no matter what. I love that man!

This summer has been filled with the good, the bad, and the ugly but through all that one thing has kept me sane: God is in control and He is the one who I give all the glory too. He is my Comforter and my Rock. I have been humbled and knocked down a few notches but I am finally at a place of peace with my life. I am looking forward to this year. Looking forward to experiencing all that God has ready for us!

DETOUR!

2011-07-27T10:10:00.000-05:00

I'm a planner! I'm taking a road trip with Tyler in a couple of weeks and I have to have a map and follow the directions to a tee so that I will end up where we plan on going. This is pretty norm for most people. Planning on what stops and sites we are going to see along the way. By doing this, it allows us to get to our destination and not get lost. I am somewhat directionally challenged (i.e., I can get lost in my own back yard) so looking at the map and following it is a big help to me. However, there are times when we have headed out on a trip and get caught in road work and have to take a detour. Detours make me nervous because it was something we didn't prepare for and we aren't really sure where we are going to come out. Sometimes it could take us miles out of the way and not knowing what lies ahead is a little nerve racking. There have been a few times that we've detoured and there have been some things we were able to see that we wouldn't have otherwise seen because it wasn't on the map that we laid out for ourselves. And if we would have continued down that mapped course without following the detour, we might be in a ditch somewhere or the bridge could be out and we'll end up in the river! And although we can't see it from the car or on the map, there are people who can, so they detour us to keep us safe.

This reminds me of my life lately. I had my life mapped out including what I was going to do, when I was going to do it and who was going to be a part of it. Then out of nowhere, I come upon a DETOUR. I've lost my job, had things happen with my family, had friends leave, etc. This is not what I had planned on, I can guarantee you that. BUT...(this is a big but too, like a deep and spiritual one so hold on) God is my navigator. Surely He sees that I know what's best for me, right? He has to know that what I want is what I should get and nothing should get in the way of that, right? *BONG* wrong answer sunshine! Our lives are not ours to begin with. My life is not mine! I live for Him and Him only so He is going to know what's best for me and what route I should take. He sometimes sets out detours because He knows what lies ahead and He wants us to learn from something different or see other things that we normally wouldn't have seen if we would have stayed on that same "life path". I will admit that these detours can be scary at times because we don't know what's going to be waiting for us at the end. Sometimes we get angry and gripe the whole way through the detour. Sometimes we gripe so much that we actually miss the sites, the blessings. We are more focused on the fact that we have been detoured then on the things that are coming into play along the detoured route.
We still have the same goal in site! We are still going to end up where we are going! It may take us a little longer to get there but it's going to happen! I'm on a detour right now! And I keep going because I know that God's got this!! There are "sites" that I'm seeing that I would have overlooked if I would have continued on the same path that I had mapped out. And I thank Him for teaching me that once again, He's navigating my life and He knows what I need more than I do. You "sites"...you know who you are. Thank you for making this detour a "less bumpy ride" for me.

Don't let a detour ruin your trip! Go with it! Trust that God's got this and He will never fail you nor forsake you!!! Jeremiah 29:11 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

Tyler

2011-05-06T15:54:00.001-05:00

    He is born and my life begins.
    He hungers and I nourish him.
    He grows and I am proud.
    He cries and I shed tears.
    He falls and I hold him.
    He hurts and I feel it.

    His heart breaks and Mine is ripped out.
    He laughs and I laugh with him.
    He smiles and my heart melts.
    He accepts Christ and my heart is overflowing!
    He is all grown up and it takes my breath away.
    He loves me and I love him more than he'll ever know.

I love my son and am so honored and proud to be called Tyler's mom. God has blessed me with a young, healthy man and I can't thank Him enough for all He's done in my son's life. His healing touch to Tyler has extended over the years and my heart is overwhelmed with thanksgiving and praise. I love you Tyler Wayne!

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

2011-04-11T22:30:00.001-05:00

My heart is hurting for a lot of my friends tonight who are going through trials right now. My Bible study today was on being courageous through these times of trouble and heartache. Our human nature kicks in and we get caught up in the moment sometimes and allow fear to plague our lives. But God is faithful and He will never leave us nor forsake us; He will be with us "unto the end of the earth"! We have nothing to fear. He will walk by our side or carry us, whichever we need.
When I start to fear that things won't work out, or fear the trial that I'm going through, I always recall a beautiful song that my dad loved dearly. He told me one time "Amy, I know it's hard right now but if God promises to watch over the sparrow, then I know He's going to watch over you through this." And he was so right. So for all my friends who need some encouragement, who feel that there is no end in sight, click the link below and watch this video. I'm praying for each of you and I love each of your dearly.

His Eye Is On The Sparrow

VROOM! VROOM!

2011-03-21T11:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, thanks to my awesome neighbors, I was able to mark something off my bucket list!! I went on my very first motorcycle ride! We rode from our house to Lake Catherine State Park, went hiking there, then rode back. It was a great experience!! I've sat on the back of one before, but never went further than the road we lived on. I was so surprised at how much I enjoyed it! And I added another thing on my bucket list...to own a bike!

I'm not going to lie, I was so scared when we first took off. I had a death grip on his shoulder for most of the way and by the time I got off the bike, my knuckles were red and my hand was shaking! I didn't move the entire time I was on the motorcycle. As soon as we got on the freeway, I started praying and I didn't stop until we exited! BUT...that was the best time i spent talking to God!! I loved being in the open and just praising Him for everything! Of course, that was after I begged Him to to spare my life and not let me fall off! HA!
The thing that got me was that while on the bike, I saw more than I usually do when I'm in the car. I felt more aware of everything around me. The wind felt so good on my face and I noticed more of the trees and scenery and just how beautiful God's creation is. By not being in the car, I was able to experience the ride better. It reminded me of how we as Christians are with God sometimes. We get in our "car" and are content with our blinders on and don't want to step out and see everything. We allow fear or anxiety to keep us from actually experiencing things that God has put before us. Once we get on to the "bike", where there is nothing but us and Him, WOW! We see things from a different perspective and actually enjoy this life trip that God has laid out for us.

Don't get stuck just driving around in the "car". Let God take control, get on the "bike", (it's ok if at first you have a death grip on His shoulder. I'm sure He won't mind) and see things in life the way God intended them to be seen.

Snow!

2011-01-11T13:21:00.003-06:00

So, yeah...it snowed!! I love the snow! Seeing it snow makes me get all giddy inside and feel like a kid again! I spent most of my childhood in West Virginia so, each of the seasons played out like they were supposed to there. It was warm in the summer, cool in the fall and spring and cold in the winter just like it's supposed to be. I didn't know what humidity was until I moved to Arkansas. I was pretty sure that we were close to the gates of hell the first time I spent a summer here! Of course, you can just imagine my disappointment when November and December rolled around and there was NO snow!! Needless to say, I've continued to have a little bit of hope each year since I've moved here.

It does crack me up to see everyone here scramble around and go bonkers when the weathermen say it's going to snow. There is this insane mob at the grocery store and every egg carton, milk carton and bread bag is pretty much wiped out! I've always said that there must be a lot of people going to be living on french toast while they are snowed in. Why DOES everyone go for those three items every time there is a snow threat??? Why not chips and cokes and cookies?? Oh well, to each his own I guess!

Every once in a while, I get my wish of seeing snow and this weekend was another one of those times! My son and I and the neighbors all got out yesterday and went sledding and 4wheel riding. We had a lot of fun. It reminded me of when mom would get me all decked out in my lavender colored snow suit and I'd spend all day playing in the snow! It was a scene straight out the Christmas Story-we'd get 2 layers of clothes on, snow suit, scarf, gloves, hat and boots and you could barely get out of the front door because you couldn't move your arms or walk straight! But it was sooooo fun! Yesterday was great but it's nothing like back home. I could step off the side walk and would be waist deep in snow! We'd get the sleds or toboggans and slide through the powder or we'd run around until every inch of the yard had footsteps in it! And most definitely, there were snowmen! I mean, you can't NOT make a snowman when there's ready available snow!
Now I make memories with my son in the snow. He's not all about putting on a snow suit so he went sliding down the hill in his jeans...and ended up with a crack full of snow! After some of that and him pulling us around on his 4wheeler, we went inside to warm up. Nothing beats snuggling up with him and watching a movie! That was my favorite part of the day!

Not everyone loves the snow like I do and I offer my sincere condolences to those of you who are not enjoying this but I must admit that this, by far, is my favorite time of the year :)

Life is Precious

2010-12-06T10:41:00.001-06:00

We hear all the time that "life is precious" but do we truly appreciate the meaning of that? Do you really stop and think about what that really means? Every minute we have with our loved ones should never be taken for granted. Life is not guaranteed to us. I personally feel that phrase has become so cliche that the meaning of it doesn't have as much impact on us anymore. Until we are personally touched with some disaster or tragedy, we tend to let those words go in one ear and out the other.
My husband and I have had the privilege of becoming good friends with our neighbors. And through that friendship they have shared with us why they take those words very seriously. Today, they will appear in court and face the man that tried to take a precious life from them. Today, they will hopefully have closure on a long chapter in their life. Their son, Jared, was just 17 in January when someone tried to take him from them. Their story is one that I feel needs to be told-even if it helps just one person realize how very precious life is.

Jared had just came into his house after helping his neighbor unload her groceries. He was sitting in the living room listening to music, unaware that a man and woman were backing their truck into the back of his yard. After living in this home for 17 years, being so trustworthy of the people around them, giving to anyone who was in need in their neighborhood, they felt comfortable in leaving the front door unlocked. They came through that same front door that had welcomed them many times before. Jared was startled and saw that the guy had a gun and got up to run. But the man shot him twice in the head. The shots hadn't killed him so they pushed him toward his bedroom. They made him get in the chair and while the man took anything and everything he wanted, the girl held the gun on Jared. The guy took stuff out of the house, hurrying to load up quickly, constantly asking Jared when his parents were coming home because he knew he didn't have a lot of time. After loading the truck up, the guy came back through Jareds room once more and Jared asked him to please not do this because they knew each other. That did nothing but seem to irritate him and he told Jared that he didn't know him and he shot him again in the chest. The girl was standing over Jared and yelled "he's not dead! Shoot him again!" Jared said he knew he had to do something and he got up to fight back. That scared the girl and she ran out of the house. Jared lunged at the guy and they wrestled on the kitchen floor. Once the guy got free, he jumped up and ran out of the house. Jared got up to go after them and at that moment he said he realized that he might die. He said all he could think of at the time was his family. He made it to his neighbors house and she called 911. Jared walked out of the hospital that same week with just bandages! If any of the bullets had been just a fraction to the left or right, Jared would not be with us today. The guy was eventually caught but the girl has not been apprehended as of yet. Today, Jared and his attacker will face each other again. Today justice will be served and he will pay for his crime. I hope that he will spend plenty of time in jail, thinking about what he did and asking God to forgive him for his actions.

I shared this story to say this: Jared's life was almost lost in just a matter of minutes. Everyday is a day that God has blessed us with. We are to love others, in spite of what we think of them. Every life is precious, so don't let your life pass you by without loving your friends and family. You never know when they might be taken from you.

Below is a letter that Jared's mom wrote to his attacker. This explains how this terrible tragedy has impacted their entire family. Please pray for them today that God will give them peace and continue to bless them.

Being a victim of violent crime has affected our family in many ways and continues to disrupt our lives daily.

Because you continue to withhold the name of your accomplice, Jared has to walk around knowing that the other person who wanted him dead is still on the loose. Our family will continue to feel unsafe until she is behind bars with you.

We had to move out of our own neighborhood where we had lived for 17 years because there was no way to know that your accomplice would not return to try and finish the job. This is the only home that our kids had ever known. Jared was unable to come home to live with us after he got out of the hospital because we feared for his life.

We had to leave our 83 year old neighbor and her 86 year old sister who were like grandmothers to our kids. They watched our kids grow up and loved them like they were their own. They are both widows and we helped care for them and made sure that they were taken care of daily. Now they don’t have anyone close to help meet their needs and we are missing being able to show them the love we have for them.

Our home would have been paid for in 10 years and we would have been able to start thinking about retiring. We had to move because we could no longer live in the house where you tried to kill our son. We had to move out of town and start over and now have 30 years before we will have our new house paid off. That means that we will be working for a long time and will not be able to retire and enjoy our lives like we would have been able to.

Our daughter arrived at home just after you shot her brother and had to see him taken away in an ambulance. She was traumatized by that. She had to change schools two times in a nine week period and leave behind friends, some of whom she had attended school with for 11 years. She had to move away from friends in the area that she had known her whole life. It was not fair to her and it was all because of your selfish act. Jared had to move away from friends that he had known his whole life as well. He has lost many relationships because he is unable to see his friends. He has problems with trusting others and gets angry easily. All of this has been caused by the attempt on his life.

Jared is a walking miracle inspite of the crime you committed. We thank God daily that he was allowed to live even though you intended to kill him for “things”. We worked hard for the items that you stole. There is no TV or Xbox game in the world that is worth the life of another human. We used to have a home where we welcomed almost anyone who wanted to visit. We had many kids from the neighborhood spend time in our house, including you. You have taken that from us. We are very careful now about who is in our home. You stole that blessing from us with your selfishness.

We know that the sentence today is not the end of this ordeal for us. We will be at every parole hearing to try our best to see that you stay behind bars. We will do all we can to keep you locked up so that another family will never have to go through this at your hands. In the book of Genesis, when Joseph's brothers tried to kill him because they wanted what he had, God took care of him. Joseph said in Geneis 50:20 "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive." Jared was saved and we have no way of knowing who else may have been saved by you going to prison.

Birthday Blog!!

2010-11-23T01:00:00.001-06:00

So....it's my birthday! It's my birthday! I'm gonna party like it's my birthday!! Wut?! Wut?! Totally shocked that I'm turning ** but so glad I've made it another year! Kinda bitter/sweet these birthdays! Especially after you get past 30! Oi'! One of the coolest things about MY birthday is that I get to celebrate my mother's birthday too! She received one of her bestest birthday presents on her 19th birthday! :) It's really neat that we get to celebrate together. I mean, when I was younger I didn't think it was all that great but the older I've gotten, the more I've enjoyed it and appreciated that simple little life blessing.

Speaking of life blessings, I thought I'd take some time reflecting back on my last year's blessings. Hey, it's my birthday so humor me!

It's only by the grace of God that I can say that this past year has been full of blessings. I'm so thankful that God has allowed me and my family to go through some of the things that we have experienced because I feel it's through those unexpected trials in our life that our true character is revealed and God uses those times to teach us some of our most beautiful lessons.

Where do I begin?? Well, I started out the year okay. I celebrated my 3rd year wedding anniversary in February. God has seen fit to have allowed me to marry the most wonderful man! He's been there with me through all of this junk and he has always stuck by my side when I have felt so alone. He has encouraged me and never looked down on me while I have been depressed, angry and confused. I hope to spend my very last breath with that man. I simply adore you Paul Richard Clark and love you like red on a rose!

I met a great friend this year too. We've shared some great moments, not so great moments, laughs and tears but it's been worth it. And through that friendship, I've been introduced to another extension of family. I love you Kim, Mark, Sarah, and Caleb!

Lost my job this year. It wasn't the best job but it was income. I tolerated a lot of negativity, heartache, cruelty and abuse from that employer but God took that and helped me learn that I am a strong woman. I stood up for myself and stood up for honesty and truth, no matter the consequences. We hit some rock bottom patches after that. Tried to sell our house to ease some financial stress but it apparently wasn't in His plan for that to happen. But you know what? Despite the severe loss of income, we have been great! God has provided things for us and has taken such good care of us during this time that it's almost unbelievable. It has taught me that I must live by faith and when you truly live by faith, God can work miracles. I am almost overwhelmed with His goodness...it brings tears to my eyes thinking about how much He loves me!! His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches even me!

By us not selling our house, God brought a wonderful family in our lives! I can't begin to tell you how much of a blessing our new neighbors have been to us. It's been so awesome to share these past few months with them. The stamina, the courage, the intellect, the sweetness, the love, the heart that the Freemans have has touched my heart in so many ways. I love you Linda, Bobby, Jared, Tiana, and Brooke :)

My son turned 17 this August. Wow! I still can't believe I have a teen that old! Next year is his senior year in high school and I'm just in awe of how God has worked in his life. I couldn't be a prouder mom!! I love that boy so much! He is a wonderful friend, who has taught me so much. His smile touches my heart and melts me. This year, through all that we've been through, he has been so patient and doesn't complain. Such a strong young man who is growing up way too fast. I love you Tyler Wayne Michau. You are truly one of The brightest spots in my life.

God has added a few other little bright spots in my life this year.The Kimballs have been such a blessing to me in so many ways!! Charlie and Jack filled a void in my heart that God knew needed to be filled. I can't tell you how awesome it's been to have two little ones in my life right now. With my son growing up, it's been nice to get to "relive" those sweet baby/toddler moments and share that special love with two amazing little boys! Thank you Heather and Brian for allowing me to be a part of your family. You have no idea how God is using you to bless our family. I love yall!!

I will eternally be thankful for my family, even through the rough spots that we've been through. With so many different personalities, it's easy to let things get the best of you but the true test comes in getting over those humps and coming through them closer. We must remain strong and we must not allow satan to break our bond. God designed our family and we must always remember that. I love you so much Mom, Carla, and Kelly.

I am so thankful for my extended families and my so many other friends that God has brought into my life, like my amazing neighborhood group and my totally, funky, awesome, beautiful bunko girls! Thank you to each one of you who read this, for blessing me with your friendship. I love each of you! Here's to friends that I've had for years and to those who I'm just getting to know!! My cup runneth over...my heart is so full...life is good. Happy Birthday to me ;)

Full or Empty? Which are you?

2010-09-02T22:26:00.000-05:00

I'm a very thankful person. I believe in being thankful for the smallest of gestures to the most amazing blessings! Over the last few months, though, I have to admit that there have been a few times that it's been hard for me to be thankful. I know that when we're faithful to God, He'll be faithful to us, and God HAS provided for us in so many different ways. It has been awesome to see how He has worked things out in our lives.

I had a conversation the other night with a young lady who is much wiser than her years. We were talking about the expression 'glass half full/half empty'. I try to look at my glass being half full. I just have a habit, not sure it's a good or bad habit, of being an optimist. I feel that there's always something good that can be found in every situation, hence my glass is half full. My husband, however, tends to be somewhat of a pessimist and his half empty glass drives me nuts! We were discussing how pessimists get on my nerves and how optimists get on her nerves and then she said something that made me stop in my tracks. She said "You know, it really shouldn't be about the glass being half full OR half empty. I'm more worried about what's IN the glass." What a statement! I couldn't stop thinking about that. How many times do we worry about whether or not our glass if half full or half empty when what we need to be concerned about is what's IN the glass?

There have been a lot of changes in our house over the last few months and I got a little caught up in actually seeing my glass as half empty. Things I've wanted, I haven't been able to get because of these changes. BUT there have been things that I've needed that God has taken care of. My focus was on my glass being half empty and that almost caused me to miss out on enjoying what I even had in the glass! I've overlooked that I don't have to tolerate the extensive verbal abuse from my former boss, that I faced each day. I don't have to answer to someone who is unethical and demeaning. I don't have headaches anymore. I can actually rest each night. I get to spend more time at home with my husband and son. I can come and go as I please, and recently, God has allowed me to work at home watching two precious little boys who have helped fill a void in my heart. I almost robbed myself of God's blessing because I didn't even concern myself with what I had...It's not always about our glass being half full or empty...we sometimes need to just be happy with what's in our glass.

Friends

2010-06-03T22:41:00.000-05:00

Haven't blogged in a while. A lot has happened since my last attempt at being "creative". Not even real sure where to start or what to say. One thing for certain, I've learned a whole lot in the last few weeks about people. Some have surprised me; some have just down right shocked me! Some have let me down; some have been a blessing; some a disappointment. I think my downfall is putting too much of myself into any relationship I get involved in. In most cases, the relationship itself is so rewarding to me that I get so wrapped up in the desire to have this bond that I don't see how a person truly is until it's too late. Maybe I'm naive or too trusting. Whatever my problem, I never seem to learn my lesson.

I love people and love forming friendships with people. My sister Carla told me once that I might be the only Jesus that some people ever see. So it's important to me that the connections I make in life count for something. God's son gave all of Himself for us, so why shouldn't I try and give 100% of myself? But people are changing. I think it's partly due to our society constantly changing. I mean, whatever happened to people having ethics and integrity as a part of their 'personal resume'? I thought that those things still existed in most people but lately I've learned that those characteristics aren't "popular" anymore. I'm just so surprised at the behavior that people exhibit. It's heartbreaking.

Lesson learned: We all have a longing for that physical relationship with someone; that's just our human nature. The one true friendship/relationship that will never fail us, is the one we have with God. He will never let us down. He will never fail us. You don't have to worry about Him ever breaking your heart or turning on you. And as for His 'personal resume', ethics and integrity are at the top in bold letters.

My Love

2010-04-12T11:41:00.011-05:00

I'm so glad that I continue to be amazed by my husband. That just means that there's still that "thing" there..ya know, that "thing" that causes me to go "Awwww!!" or "WOW" or "I love that man!" And I don't want to ever lose that "thing" for him. He is my best friend, my mentor, my guide, my strength, my counselor...my heart beats for him like none other. He's there for me, when no one else is. He "gets" me and loves me in spite of my flaws. He made me fall in love with him all over again yesterday. I'm just so blessed to have him in my life.

We buy homes that need work, remodel them, and then sell them. We don't go for these extravagant 2,000 square foot homes that sell for $2 to $300 thousand. We like to find homes that the real working class can afford. He feels that everybody deserves a chance to have a nice home and he puts his heart and soul into each one. I love working with him on these. He's so passionate about his work and I enjoy watching him do the things he can do...and he does them so well! He's just so talented and I feel I don't give him enough credit for how good he is. There are times when we get frustrated with each other because I may not like his decision on where to put something or I didn't paint the wall fast enough for him but we make it through them just fine. He has actually taught me so much during these last few "flips", as we call them. We started this because the sale of these homes allows us to supplement our loss of income due to the railroad temporarily laying him off for 4-6 months at a time. God has been so good to us in allowing us to find homes during every time he's been laid off.

Yesterday he held an open house at the last one he just completed. He did this flip entirely by himself. Painted, laid the tile, repaired everything that needed repaired, installed everything that needed installed...you name it, he did it. He told me that there was a sweet couple with a 4 month old baby that came by and he said the woman fell in love with it instantly. She told him that this was her dream house and that she started crying! This is just a small 3 bedroom home that is not that fancy at all, but it was HER dream home! So different from the 1 bedroom, run-down apartment that they are in now. Paul said that she just went on and on about how beautiful it was and that she wanted it so badly and she wouldn't have to worry about her baby growing up in a bad neighborhood...they just didn't know if they cold get approved for the loan. Paul said that he just felt so overwhelmed with compassion for this couple. He gave them the lending company's information and explained that they wouldn't have to pay any closing costs and to see what they could get approved for first and he would see what he could do for them, even if it meant lowering the asking price. He told me that he didn't care if he made one dime off of this sale, he just really wanted them to have this home. They had never had anything like this to call their own before and it just made him feel so grateful for everything God has given us. People take so much of what they have for granted. And to see what they have, compared to what we have, just made him stop and think about how selfish some people tend to be. Then, he proceeded to tell me that he felt like God wanted him to help them. (that "thing" kicked in and I was like "WOW")

I'm so proud of my husband. I'm so proud to be called his wife. I'm just so in love with him and this last month we have grown so close to each other and it has just reinforced our commitment to one another. I know that our love for each other is true and that our love for each other has been blessed by God because when he brought me Paul, He gave me everything I needed and more.

In His Steps

2010-03-24T23:26:00.004-05:00

He stops at the corner and rests. Obviously trying to catch his breath. I know he's been walking quite some distance to have already made it to the end of my road. Usually we see him under the overpass. He must have gotten up earlier than usual this morning. He looks up at us and waves, just as he does every morning he sees us. We wave back, just as we do every time we see him. The way the sun is coming through the trees and shining down behind him, he almost looks like an angel. I stop at the stop sign and watch him. I try to imagine on some days what he would look like if he were given a nice hot shower, hair cut and beard trim and some new clothes and shoes. Then my mind wanders further. Was he ever a father? Did he ever get married? Wonder where his family is?...things like that. I look in his eyes and they look so sad and tired...and lonely. I can tell the trash bag that he carries over his shoulder is heavy and weighing him down but probably contains his world. Surely he has some food in there. I mean, I know I'm not the only person who passes him every morning. That's how I justify not stopping. Somebody else had to have given him something to eat. Right? I don't think twice about it most mornings...until yesterday morning. I just completed the book "In His Steps" (great book by the way, if you haven't already read it). It's about a pastor who challenges his entire congregation to stop before they make a decision and ask themselves "What would Jesus do?" The whole town becomes affected by the new decision making process and lives are forever changed. So I asked myself..."What would Jesus do?" Would he drive off, assuming that this poor, homeless, elderly man has been given a hot meal by someone else? Would he just wave back at the man, say "awww, bless his heart", then continue on to work? Doubtful. He would have compassion on the man, stop and talk to him, offer him food, shelter, clothing, whatever he needed. So why was I being so selfish? (Yeah, it's selfish. I know it's a harsh word to use against oneself but it is what it is.) I don't have an excuse...My thoughts start racing..."I'll be late for work...what if he gets angry? What if he smells bad? What if he becomes clingy and expects this every time I see him? What if he needs more help than I'm able to give? Those thoughts and more keep going through my head until I finally realize that I'm almost to work. Another day wasted of me not helping him. I pulled into my parking space and broke down:

"God, I'm so blessed with things I don't deserve. Please forgive me for being selfish. I'm sorry for not listening to your Spirit and helping out someone in need. Please give me another chance to stop and give this man some food and offer him my help. I'm so thankful that you are a loving God and that one day, just as You promised, there will be no more suffering. Thank you for blessing me with home, health, food, and clothes. Help me never to take these things for granted."

All day, that's all that was on my mind. I couldn't wait until the next morning. I was determined that I was going to leave early and go get breakfast and hot coffee for him. Except for this morning he was nowhere to be found. I looked everywhere I thought he might be and didn't see him anywhere. I gave up the search and headed to work. I then had a wave of sadness come over me. What if something happened to him? What if I don't see him again? That means I missed my chance. I missed my chance to help him. Then the worst thought yet...I felt I had basically ignored God asking me to help someone. I immediately felt like I did when I was a little girl and had heard my daddy say I disappointed him.

There are some song lyrics in this book that I read: 'All for Jesus, all for Jesus, All my being's ransomed powers, All my thoughts, and all my doings, All my days, and all my hours...' A man asks the congregation if they know what that song even meant. He said "It seems to me there's an awful lot of trouble in the world that somehow wouldn't exist if all the people who sing such songs went and lived them out." Those words resounded in my mind over and over. What if people really would stop and ask themselves What would Jesus do before they did anything? What if we really gave ALL to Jesus? ALL our days and ALL our hours? Truly walked in His steps?

Don't miss your opportunity to do something that God is leading you to do. If you don't listen, you might not get another chance.

"He that saith he abideth in Him ought himself also to walk even as He walked."

Is Jesus in YOUR life?

2010-02-15T23:14:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite boardgames to play when we were growing up, was Life. I recently purchased it one day when we were off work due to a snow day. It was fun sitting in front of the fireplace and reliving a childhood memory with my own son. This game was a little different than the one I had when I was young. There were a few added features and a few small things that had changed.

When I went to my sisters house one night, I meant to take my game with me to teach my 7 yr old nephew, Landon, how to play but I ran out of the house without it, so we borrowed the neighbors Life game. I made a few comments to my sister about how this Life game was different from the one I had just bought but that overall it was still the same concept. Landon loved the game! He actually ended up doing a whole lot better than me that night!

Well, just a few weeks after that, we found ourselves at home due to another snow fall so my sister braved the ice and brought Landon over to my house. We made cookies, rode the 4 wheeler, colored and watched movies. And in between all those fun activities, Landon continually reminded me that we needed to play Life. We had just put some cookies in the oven and Landon got my stool and planted himself down in front of the oven to "keep an eye on the cookies" as I had asked him to do. "Aunt Mamie, when are we gonna play Life?" he asked...again. "We'll play after we get done riding the 4 wheeler", I told him. There was a short moment of silence and then "So, what's different about your Life, Aunt Mamie?" Wow! I had no idea that he was even listening to me that night at my sisters, let alone remembered what I had told her about the games being different. "Well, I have Jesus in my life" I told him. (I thought that was a pretty good answer!)

The cookies came out and were eaten as quickly as we had set them out to cool, the 4wheeler was ridden, snow angels made, snow balls thrown and then we came in to thaw out! Kelly and Landon got the game out of the closet and started setting everything up for all of us to play. I was in the kitchen getting a cookie when I heard him. "I can't find Jesus anywhere on this game!" When I looked in the living room, Landon was kneeling in front of the game looking very intensely at the board...looking very intensely for Jesus...in my Life. It made us laugh and we explained that Aunt Mamie was just trying to be funny...that Jesus wasn't really in the game. But of course that made me think.

What is different about my life? Is it evident enough to others that I have Jesus in my life or are people so unaware of Him in me, that they have to look intensely at me to try and find Him? That 7 yr old taught me a few things that night. One, that people are constantly listening to us and watching us even when we are unaware of them. As Christians, we need to be sure that we are faithful and consistent in our walk and talk. And two, I need to make sure that other people don't have to guess or search as to whether or not Jesus is in my life or not. It should always be evident that He is there. I would hate for someone to tell me "I can't find Jesus anywhere in your life".

Are you "running" right?

2010-01-20T10:18:00.008-06:00

Tyler was fortunate enough to get a new 4 wheeler for Christmas. He was so excited! He has been on that thing every day he's been able to since then. Each morning, before we leave the house, he'll go out in the garage and start the 4 wheeler up. He'll sit on it and let it run for a minute or two, then he shuts it off and we head out to start our day. He said he lets it warm up a little every morning so it'll run better.

How much easier I think our days would be if we would just take a few minutes to "warm up". It would only take a few minutes out of our schedule to stop and spend some time with God. Spending time in His Word and spending some time praying, can make all the difference between us "running" right or us not "running" at all. We should value ourselves, just like Tyler values his 4 wheeler, and take some time to allow God to start us up so that we'll run better each day.

My cup runneth over-

2010-01-09T00:44:00.004-06:00

I had a friend at work just find out that her sister was being moved to hospice. My heart ached for her! All I could think of was what could I tell her to encourage her. My thoughts immediately went back to 1997...the year my son, Tyler, was diagnosed with cancer. I decided to share that story with her and how God helped me through that experience. I know most of you know this story but I feel compelled to share it again. Maybe it can encourage someone that is going through a low point in life right now. I promised God after we came through it that I would share how He blessed us...even when I thought there was no hope. Tyler became very lethargic and sick, as if he had the flu. Body aches, fever, motionless...he just wasn't acting like a typical 4 year old. We took him to the doctor and they did some blood work and before we could even get home, they had left us a voicemail telling us to bring him back. We spent 2 or 3 days at Baptist then we were transferred to AR Children's Hospital. We were there for only a few hours when they told us that Tyler had leukemia(acute lymphocytic leukemia). My heart stopped! This can't be happening. They totally have made a mistake! I did not just hear them tell me that my baby had cancer! But they did. The next several hours consisted of us crying and nurses and doctors poking and proding Tyler like he was a little rag doll. They told us that he needed to have a port put in because of the chemo treatments, which would consist of them doing surgery on his chest and placing in an "access point" for them to administer the chemo each time. But before they could do surgery, he had to have a blood transfusion. That night I sat in his room trying to wrap my mind around everything that had happened that day. I was in the rocking chair with my Bible, he was lying in the bed with IV's hooked up to him and a big bag of some stranger's blood was going through his little veins. I couldn't take it anymore! I cried and asked God to please help me! I couldn't get through this without Him! I asked Him to please show me a verse that would give me some comfort and some peace about what was happening to us. I knew I could find something in the Psalms so that's where I was headed. I flipped a few pages and these two verses almost jumped off the page at me.

Psalms 9:9-10 " 9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. 10 Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you."

WOW! I mean, that says it all! After that night, we spent many, many long hours and weekends at Children's. Days, months, and a few years went by and before I knew it, he had completed his last chemo treatment. He was in remission and the cancer has never come back! And through it all, He held to His promise of "never forsaking those who seek Him" and was always my refuge and stronghold through every painful procedure Tyler had to endure. I have held on to those verses and their meaning ever since that night. Not a day goes by that I don't feel so thankful and so blessed for what God brought us through. I promised God that whenever I knew of someone going through something that seemed so unbearable to them, that I would always share those verses and share what God did for me and for my son.

Tyler will turn 17 this year! That blows my mind! He is so healthy and such a great kid! To look at him today, you would never guess that he was ever sick. He has a scar on his chest where his port was. I told him that I would have it cosmetically "fixed" if he wanted me to. He told me that it didn't bother him and that he didn't mind it being there because it reminded him of what he went through and he could show people that he was a cancer survivor! My cup runneth over with blessings to this day! Even if I was homeless and didn't have anything, I would still be greatly blessed because God took care of my son and allowed me to keep him around a while longer. And that is worth more than any material object I will ever own!

24 Nights Before Christmas

2009-11-30T10:34:00.003-06:00

'Twas 24 nights before Christmas and all through the cities
The men were grouchy; the women were bitties-
All the attitudes had started & there wasn’t a care
Of what Christmas was about and that we needed to share!
I lie in my bed, pondering on this,
Wondering if this year would be another miss!
Kids wanting and wanting and parents giving and giving
How did they not know this wasn’t the reason for living!
Things and toys…they just don’t matter!
They end up in the closet or on the floor with a splatter!
What could I do? What could I say?
To get people to realize it should be Christmas everyday!
I jumped out of my bed and got on my knees,
Praying to God to show me something please!
Then all of a sudden it hit me like jello!
Someone should tell them it’s not about the red-suited fellow!
From that point on, every person I saw
I told them about Christ and how he came to save us all!
How He loves each of us the same
No matter what our name!
The attitudes changed and I could see people caring
They had started giving and helping and some even sharing!
I knew it was a start and there was much more to do
To get people to realize God’s love is important too!
When I think of Christmas there’s much more to tell
Than of santa and snowmen and a jingly silver bell!
There’s wisemen and shepherds and a manger for a bed
Where the precious baby Jesus, laid his little tiny head!
He came to die for us, to take punishment for our sin
So that one day we can spend eternity with Him!
That’s the best gift there is and one that we can share
With friends and family and people everywhere!
Merry Christmas to each of you, who live far and near
And let’s celebrate God’s love, everyday of the year!!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T11:04:00.003-06:00

So many people will take this time of year to share what they are thankful for. I’ve always been amazed at how you don’t hear a peep out of some people all year but come Thanksgiving, they have this epiphany and all of a sudden they are thankful for everything from their jobs to the shoes on their feet. Why is it that we don’t share these thoughts and emotions more often? Is this the only time that people can muster an offering of Thanksgiving for their lives and their blessings? Surely we can be thankful for more than just 1 day out of 365?

Families unite for a brief time to share a feast that women have labored over for hours, only to see it consumed like a pack of hyenas devouring the Lion King. Then they spend the rest of their afternoon cleaning up the carcasses that were left and putting their homes back in order. Uncle Bob is still mad at Aunt Lucille because she got the turkey a little over done; the kids are running through the house playing football, even tho Aunt Marge told them 100 times already to stop it because the house was not a playground! Barbara Ann has the tv up too loud because she can’t hear worth a flip anymore, which makes the women sitting at the table talk louder about Jenny’s big thighs, because they can’t hear each other over the television; Becky’s in the other room pouting because at 14 she thinks it’s so “un-cool” to be around all these old people and how she would much rather be at her boyfriend’s house; Janet’s daughters are spending a tearful moment reflecting on how much they miss their father and wish he wasn’t gone; the rest of the male cousins and uncles are all outside-some of them hiding around the corner from their wives, hoping they won’t get caught stealing a smoke because they promised they had quit already-the rest are talking about how that coach on that football team needs to give it up and let them coach because they could do a much better job at it then he was! And they call this Thanksgiving? How can any of that make you feel thankful? Especially if you’re the one who’s hosting this massive family feast! It’ll take you weeks to get your house looking like your house again. But these are the moments that we should be the most thankful for. What memories you are making!

My fondest memories are of the times when everyone would gather at my grandmother’s house for the holidays! There was way too much food and a crazy amount of people! All her sister’s and their spouses, and they each had kids who had kids! We would be crammed in the house like sardines. The kids would get in the big coat closet and play and get lost in our childhoods. Oh how I wish I could have those moments back! The house is silent now during this time of the year. My grandparents are in heaven with some of their brothers and sisters…some of their kids and each of the nieces and nephews and grandchildren have scattered, only to be left to make their own memories. I’m so thankful for all of those times we had. You never realize how much you miss until you no longer have it anymore.

Don’t wait for the holidays to tell people you’re thankful for them…you’re thankful for the memories…you’re thankful for their part in molding you into who you are today. Everyday should be a day of thanksgiving. If those aren’t things you can be thankful for, be thankful that God gave His only Son so that you could have everlasting life! What more is there?!

Did you here me???

2009-09-17T08:29:00.008-05:00

"Mama...mama...mama...mama..." over and over my nephews will say this until they receive a frustrated "WHAT?!" in return. My sisters can be right in the middle of a conversation, or trying to do something but that doesn't matter at all. What my nephews want right at that moment from their mother is more pertinent to them than anything else that is going on. They haven't quite grasped the concept of what no interrupting means and quite haven't figured out that mom's can multi-task and while their attention may be directed elsewhere at the moment, they still heard them say "mama" the first time. What seems to be even more frustrating is that when mom finally does respond and gives them their full attention, the "pertinent need" is simply "open this" or "Macey won't let me...." or "Blake won't..."

This made me think about Christians and their relationship with God. Constantly calling on Him, over and over again, thinking that He's not listening to us. We know He's right there. We know He always hears us, but yet we allow frustration to set in because He's not answering us as quick as we think He should. There a billions of people in this world that call on Him every second of every day! Some need Him more than others and each of those people feel that what they need right then and there is more pertinent over anyone else's wants and needs. All we need is to call on Him just once and He knows...He hears...He will. That concept is too much for a 6 year old to grasp onto but in time they will learn that only once is needed.

How many times does God call on us? He patiently stands there, calling, "Amy...Amy...Amy..." and sometimes we finally will stop and say "WHAT?!" "What now?" And when He knows He has our attention, all He wants to tell us is " I love you" What He wants is more pertinent and pressing then what we want. What He desires is more important than anything else and yet we don't hear or don't listen and even some chose to ignore.

Do you want God ignoring you? I don't think so. Keep your heart open to Him, don't make Him call you over and over again. You might miss out on something life changing!

Remembering...

2009-09-11T11:51:00.005-05:00

To all my friends and family that have served, are serving, or are going to serve in the military: My deepest appreciation and sincerest thanks to you for your faithfulness to our country. Not just today, a day of remembrance for those affected by 9/11, but for everyday that you provide us a safe and free place to live. Your undying devotion and your loyalty to your country will never go unforgotten. I walk out of my house on Sunday to go to church where ever I want to, and for that I thank you. I can send my son to any school I choose, and for that I thank you. I can voice my opinion to someone without fear, and for that I thank you. I can participate in any election I chose to, and for that, I thank you. You sacrifice your time, your family’s time, your life for me! And for that I thank you. We as American’s take so much for granted and breeze through each day as if it is owed to us. We take the time to honor our military on Veteran’s Day or Labor Day or July 4th but it is something that should be prominent to us every day. You leave your homes, not knowing exactly when you will see your family again, not knowing if you will make it back alive, not knowing what will happen…all so I can live in a free country. You are courageous, strong, loyal, and true to the colors of our flag. Forever I will be indebted to you.

To all my friends and family that have a loved one that has served, is still serving, or is going to serve in the military: My deepest appreciation and heartfelt thank you for the sacrifices you make for America as well. You send your sons, daughters, husbands, fathers, wives, and mothers away, not knowing when you’ll see them again or not knowing if you’ll ever see them again, just so I can live safe and free. You tolerate the war protesters and the menial compensation you receive so that I can have the freedoms I do. I will forever be indebted to your service as well.

To everyone who has ever lost a loved one because of a war or service: I cannot begin to tell you the undying gratitude I have for you. My heart is overwhelmed with appreciation for you and inundated with grief for your loss. The selflessness of your family and loved one is incomparable to anything I can think of. Without the deep, unconditional love that has been offered for Americans, we would be living a life of fear and uncertainty. Our country seems to be more focused on other issues that surround us such as the economy, health care and unemployment. But let this fact remain: we love our soldiers and their families - We love our country and We love our freedom and NOBODY can take that away from us.

Remembering today, tomorrow, and always-

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends-Jn 15:13

Come on people!!

2009-08-20T15:57:00.013-05:00
Socialism: "Any of various theories or systems of social organization in which the means of producing and distributing goods is owned collectively or by a centralized government that often plans and controls the economy."

I am usually not vocal when it comes to politics or the government. I don't voice my opinion because I don't like to argue about those things and don't feel that I fit in with the political world but this time I cannot keep my mouth shut. Everyone is so surprised at what is going on in this country right now - Everyone seems so taken back by what our President is doing - And everyone wants to complain and jump on a band wagon of some sort without knowing what they are even complaining about. Here is my solution to that: At least have some shred of intellectual curiosity to research the information so that you can at least try and differentiate between fact and rumor. Just because it's on the Internet DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE! Dig deeper...maybe even go to the Library but investigate the allegations so you can be more educated on what is really going on before you get on a soap box and flap your jaws about things you don't know anything about! That is my first gripe.

My second gripe is this: Stop acting surprised about what the President is doing with our Health care right now! These things were discussed during his campaign. And there were people that tried to warn Americans that this would be happening. Nobody listened...until now. Until it's too late and most of the ones who are complaining are the ones that voted him into office. Really?? Are there that many hypocrites in this world??!!

Look, there's nothing that can really be done. What the government wants is what is going to happen. So what can we as little pee-on people do? PRAY! Pray that God will give us grace to make it through the "change". Pray that God will protect us. But most of all, pray that God will allow His will to be done. It doesn't matter what the President or the government do. God is ultimately in control and there is no plan out there that Obama or the government can come up with that will rock that boat!

Hebrwes 13:5b-6..."for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me."

Nanny

2009-08-06T11:10:00.009-05:00

With my grandmother in the hospital this week, I can't help but let my mind wonder and reflect back on growing up around her. It has been very hard to have so many miles between us. I was so accustomed to having family right next door for so many years...running in and out of my grandparents house and running down to my aunt's house to play with our cousin...going across town to my Nanny's house to visit...those are some of the things I miss the most...and some of the memories that I will forever cherish.

My nanny used to bake and decorate cakes for people (she could hold her own against Ace of Cakes with no problem!) She did a doll cake for me one year that was so beautiful that I didn't want anyone to touch it! She did these out of her home so her fridge was full of all different colors of icing!! She would re-use those small butter containers and keep the icing in those. Purple, blue, red, pink, green, yellow...every color! I remember standing on my tiptoes, reaching as far back in the fridge as I could and popping off the tops to see what color I could get into that day. It was pure bliss! Of course, when she asked who had been in them, I would tell her I didn't know. The small fingerprints embedded into the icing must have come from somebody else!

My head is full of happy memories of her. She is my last grandparent alive. I know that there will come a day when I say good-bye to her for the last time. I'm not looking forward to that. Losing a family member is never easy. It makes me think of a puzzle. You work on it for a while and when you've placed all the pieces in their particular place, the puzzle is totally complete. Over time, a piece will go missing, then two, then five, until that completed puzzle is no longer complete. There are gaps throughout the whole picture and it just doesn't look right anymore. Then I started thinking of how wonderful it will be when God will put those pieces back for us when we finally go home. I truly find comfort in the fact that whatever happens is God's plan. He is in control and nothing....NOTHING can separate us from His wonderful love. Love you Nanny!

Summer Nights

2009-07-24T14:30:00.003-05:00

I love standing on my back deck and looking up at the sky. Especially when the nights are cool like they have been the past couple of days. On Tuesday the rain "dampened" the whole day! I wished all day that I was at home lying in bed snuggled up under the covers. When i finally made it home that evening the rain had stopped. Everything looked so clean and fresh. The Mandevilla that is growing up the front of my house and the rose bush on the side seemed to be more awake with the drops of rain they received earlier that day. The grass that had just been freshly cut the day before, looked so green and manicured. When the dark settled on the house I took the opportunity to venture out and sit on the back deck.

I could hear the grasshoppers and frogs singing their bedtime songs. Occasionally, I could see the lights from lightning bugs in the distant. The air smelled clean and felt so cool. Then I looked up. WOW! There was not a cloud in the sky! The stars seemed as if they were right there for me to reach up and just grab onto. I'm not very knowledgeable in astronomy...I mean, I know there's a couple of dippers up there and somebody's belt but that's about it. I saw more than that. I sat there and played connect the stars and made a lot of pictures! They were all so bright and looked so big and it took me back to when we were little and would stare up at the stars and make crazy wishes...just hoping that the stars would be good to us just once! "Star lite, star brite, 1st star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, I wish upon this star tonite" So naive and so innocent we were thinking that wishing on one little star would make all our dreams come true!

How wonderful and amazing to know that the God who made those stars can do so much more than that for us and we don't have to rely on little girl star wishing anymore!

Worry Not

2009-06-29T09:51:00.005-05:00

The one thing that I'm the most guilty of is worrying. I have such a hard time letting go of things and not worrying about them. I know that God will take care of everything for me. I know that He will "supply all my needs" and I have faith that He will. I just can't let go sometimes. My devotional today talked about worrying. The analogy used was that worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but doesn't really get you anywhere! I had such a "V-8 moment" when I read that! How much less would my stress level be if I could just grasp onto that concept. I get so stressed out about things that I'm popping tums like candy and my eye will start twitching and I break out...I mean, seriously?! How attractive is that?? If I know that's what will happen when i do worry and do stress, then what they hey? Why do I? My prayer this week is that I won't worry...Paul's not working and the finances are a little pinched, but I'm letting go. I will cling to the promise He made me in Exodus 33:22-"I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand..." How can I possibly worry about anything when God covers me with His hand? How awesome to know that He will protect me and all I have to do is just let go!

Be Not Deceived...

2009-06-25T09:56:00.007-05:00

I'm trying to be more pleasant with people who deem it necessary to treat me like crap from time to time. Nothing is solved when you respond to anger with anger. Although there are times when the red-horned guy on my left shoulder prevails over the angelic being on my right shoulder. It's at those times when I know that God rolls his eyes upwards, then shakes his head as He throws His hands up in a gesture that symbolizes "Are you kidding me?" Tuesday was one of those moments.

Why some men think that women don't know anything about vehicles or "man stuff" eludes me. Just because I wear a skirt and paint my toes, does not mean that my brain only functions in "foo-foo" mode! I can work on cars, do quite a bit of home repair, lay tile with the best of them, and love to get involved in"man projects". The body shop manager probably should not have assumed that I was a delicate little female that he could talk down to and would wither like a flower in the desert. Trying to tell me that it wasn't his fault that my car broke down and that he wasn't going to reimburse me the money I was out to repair his mistake did nothing but set me off in "balls of steel" form. My head and pointer finger swayed to the tune of "Oh no you didn't" while my face turned red and my tongue bounced to the tune of it's own drum. No, I didn't swear but when I was done, I left the office with a full reimbursement check and left the manager with a look of wonder and confusion...knowing that he was thinking "how did that skirt wearing lady with pretty painted toe nails know that I screwed her whole car up by overcharging her A/C?"

Sally Hanson should make a new nail polish color and call it "blind-sided red"!!

Daddy

2009-06-22T09:25:00.011-05:00

I miss my daddy. I think about him ALL the time. I wonder why sometimes I still get so emotional about losing him, I mean, November 1995...that seems like forever-ago. It's too easy for me to recall the night I found out. Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't remember that part. Anytime the phone rings in the middle of the night now, my heart skips a beat. 3a.m...my aunt on the other end of the line...all I heard was "...your dad..." and I knew. NO!!! I screamed. I dropped the phone and fell to the kitchen floor, crying. WHY??? This can't be happening! My heart felt like it was literally breaking into pieces. This was my dad. I needed my dad. At that time in my life, I really needed him. And now he's gone. His smile, his laugh, his voice, the way he would place his hand on my shoulder and I would lead him anywhere he wanted to go, the times I would walk in the house from school or work and see him sitting on the floor listening to the radio, the first moment he held my son, all of that went through my head in a matter of seconds. None of that would be anymore. People came and went over the next few days and after the funeral...saying all the things they're supposed to say...none of it helped. I didn't want to hear any of that! STOP SAYING IT WILL GET EASIER!!! I don't want it to! I just want my dad back!!! I was so angry! I was so hurt! I was so....it didn't matter. Nothing did at that point. And nothing was going to bring him back. What could I possibly learn from this??

That was 13 years ago. It's gotten better. I think of him everyday. I still cry from time to time. Father's Day is my least favorite day. I get jealous of everyone loving and hugging on their father's...of everyone talking about how great their dad is. And I did learn. I learned to appreciate life more. I learned that God will never leave me or forsake me. I learned that it's not about the storm...it's learning to dance IN the storm.

Now, when I need my dad to give me a hug, I pray...and I can feel my Father's arms around me. I can feel my Heavenly Father soothing my aching heart. And I know that my dad is watching over me. I know that he's proud of me...I know that he sees more now than he ever imagined seeing when he was here.

I love you daddy. My heart is no longer consumed with grief over losing you...it is now filled with hope and faith that one day OUR Father will bring us together again.

Love Life!

2009-06-19T10:09:00.008-05:00

"I can't believe that June is half over"... I've heard that twice today! Everyone says "time goes by way too fast" or "man I can't belive it's almost Christmas". I've been hearing that since I was a kid! Time hasn't moved any faster today than it did when I was little. It's us. Everyone is basically wishing their lives away and not even paying attention to things around them. Here's what I'm talking about: It starts with Sunday evenings. We start dreading Monday because we have to go back to work. We get up Monday and tell everyone how we can't wait until the weekend! Tuesday is all about laying in wait for "hump day". Wednesday is "hump day"...weekend is almost here! Thursday is ok because "tomorrow is Friday!" Then when Friday gets here, we're like "Sure am glad it's Friday!" And after the weekend, we start all over again...wishing our week away. Kids fly through the summer and by the end of July start dreading going back to school. 1st it's "can't wait until Christmas break" then it's "can't wait until Spring break" followed by "can't wait for the summer" and then all over again. I've been guilty of doing all of the above. If we could just take some time and reflect on life and take it slower, we wouldn't miss out on things that could possibly be there to make us happy. I don't want to miss out on living life to it's fullest with my best friend and my wonderful son. I don't want to live life wishing for the next day and the next day. I want to live life to the fullest everyday and not miss anything that goes on around me. To me, when I wake up, I'm glad to have another day and at night, it's a little disappointing to see the day end. "Did I get to experience everything to the fullest today? Did I miss anything that was important? Did I say I love you enough to everyone who was close to me?" We can't get that day back, so don't be so quick to see it go!

I read a quote from someone (can't remember the name) "No man is a failure who is enjoying life"---Enjoy life...it's a gift from God. Don't wish it away!

Listen!

2009-06-12T10:54:00.004-05:00
My son is going to be a sophmore this year! I can't believe how time has flown by. It just seems that not too long ago he was reaching up for me to hold him. Now it's me reaching up and standing on my tiptoes to hug him! I have to admit that he is turning out to be a wonderful young man. Our only problem is school!

We got his grades in along with a notice saying that he was short 1 credit and it was Algebra. Sadly to say that is probably my gene showing out in him because I cannot stand math. The letter was postmarked June 4th, we received it on June 9th and it said he needed to be registered by May 29th to start classes on June 8th. Hello??? Little bit of a mess up on mailing those out don't ya think? Well, his dad said that it was probably too late to register him, even tho the school messed up on the mailing. I think I actually saw Tyler's stomach fall to his ankles! He immediately started sweating and was so upset. Without summer school, he might not be allowed to be a sophmore. I told him I'd call the school and talk to them, IF I could get someone to answer seeing that it was the summer! I cleared it all up by 9am on Thursday. He can make it up during his sophmore year. His father and I agreed to let him think on things a while...use this opportunity to teach a life lesson here-so we decided not to tell him right away. Poor Kid! He texted me every hour asking me if I'd heard anything. I just kept telling him that I would let him know when I did. After work, I went and told him in person. He was so excited and relieved that he grabbed my neck and hugged me so tight! Thank you mom! Thank you! was all he would say!

I felt a litte bad for putting him through that but he needed something to jar him a little to help him understand how important school is. How important it is to listen! If only they would listen to us! As Christians, God provides us with all the tools necessary to "pass life"- We just don't listen. I picture him watching me make a mistake because I didn't listen, and Him just burying His head in His hands...or shaking His head going "Are you kidding me?? Did I just not tell you how to fix that and you really are going to try and do it on your own??" Life would be so much easier if we would take the time to listen and do it right the first time instead of just trying to get by.

How will I be remembered?

2009-06-09T10:52:00.002-05:00

We laid my father-in-law to rest yesterday. The funeral service was very nice. There were so many nice things said about him and each person who remembered him remembered the strong stand he took for God while he was alive. My pastor stopped me and told me that it was awesome to be remembered that way. He said he hoped that people said those things about him when he passed. Then I started thinking…what will people say about me? What kind of impact have I had on people? What kind of impression had I made on people’s lives? I quickly recalled the song by Nicole Nordeman:

How will they remember me? Did I choose to
love? Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically and leave that kind of legacy…Not well traveled,
not well read, not well-to-do or well bred Just want to hear instead, "Well done" good and faithful one…”

I hope that people will remember the good that I’ve done after I'm gone. I hope they remember me for being caring, giving, loving….a mother, a sister, a friend, a wife, and above all else a Christian.

Brutus

2009-06-02T08:13:00.004-05:00

I grew up in a small, laid back town in West Virginia-where everybody knew everybody. I lived right next door to my grandparents and to my aunt and uncle. At the end of our back yards was a small alley way that led right into our neighbors' back yards. No one belived in private fences then, so all the yards ran together like branches on a vine...one could barely tell where one yard left off and another began. This created a wonderful playground area that invited all the neighborhood children in. Every evening my sisters and i would play with Charlie and Cheryl Ball. They would come over across the alley and some days we would play from the time the dew was soaking our feet until we were giving lightning bugs a mason jar home. Cheryl was a gymnast and had a huge jungle gym that I longed to play on more than anything. There was just one problem---Brutus. Brutus was Cheryl's boxer. To most people Brutus was a medium sized dog but to me he was Goliath! And so my fear of dogs kept me from exploring the world of gymnastics.

However, one day my curiosity got the best of me. I had ventured outside on my own and noticed that Brutus was asleep in his cage. I decided this was my chance to go for the gold medal and I crept quietly by the sleeping beast. I climbed up the ladder and grabbed on tight to the horizontal bars. Those two minutes of swinging and flipping were pure ecstasy for me! That was until I completed my "perfect ten" dismount and landed right in front of Brutus' cage. It was at that point that my gold medal hopes were gone because I realized his door was open and he was awake!! A wave of panic swept over my little body and I raced through the yard like a bat out of hell. But so did Brutus!

Cheryl's father, who had been mowing his yard, jumped in on the chase in an effort to keep me from being Brutus' next meal. My uncle, hearing Mr. Ball's stream of obscenities, became the fourth member of our game of chase. Hearing the tremendous ruckus, my grandfather slid out from his truck he had been working on and slipped into a close fifth place position. During this entire time I had been loudly pleading with God to help me. Help me! Please! And He did. The Dallas Cowboys had nothing on the tackling that transpired that afternoon. A huge huddle of men and beast lay in the middle of another neighbor's yard and I had been saved! Those men were my heros...the unsung heros of Hunsaker Street.

That summer I lost interest in gymnastics. Gold medals were no longer my desire. Instead, I used this experience to concentrate on ribbons and brought home the blue ribbon in our school relay!

Mom

2009-05-29T12:59:00.004-05:00
So I went onto dictionary.com and typed in mother to see what the actual definition was. Female parent, a woman exercising control, a term of familiar address for an old or elderly woman…HOLD UP! OLD?? ELDERLY?? Are you kidding me? What do they have to do with anything? Anyway, the most hysterical one to me was a stringy, mucilaginous substance consisting of various bacteria that forms on the surface of a fermenting liquid. GROSS! I mean, I’ve called my mother some pretty mean things before but never have I stooped so low as to call her a stringy mucilaginous. That’s just downright hateful!!

I continued looking for a “decent” definition and came to realize that there wasn’t anything in there about what a mother really is. There was no mention of her being a nurse-mending years and years worth of boo-boo’s in a way that Johnson & Johnson could never compare; nothing in there about the countless hours of therapy that she provided to me-never once was she able to bill for them; providing comfort for the many times my little heart was broken by a best friend or boyfriend-those of whom I just thought I could never go through life without; I couldn’t find the definition describing her ability to be a spiritual leader-spending countless hours in prayer over me to make the right choices in life or crying over and over for God to take control of my heart; I didn’t read anything about her being a juggler-tangible items not included but juggling her time between me, my other two sister, my blind father, teaching school, grading papers all night long, finishing her education, fixing dinner, getting baths, talking to parents and students and somewhere in the midst of all that, she was supposed to find time for herself; I did not find anything defining what a true mother really is.

I am 37 years old and I’m rearing a 15 year old, soon to be 16 year old, son. As I watch him grow up and become the man that he is rapidly becoming, I realize that there is not just one simple definition that can define mother. I have also realized that I never truly have shown my own mother any appreciation for all that she’s done for me. I have spent countless hours focusing on what she didn’t do right and wasted all these years focusing on the hurt that she caused me. My opinion of my mother was fueled by hatred and hurt and self-pity. And where did that get me? Nowhere-it pushed me further away from her. It caused me to loathe the card isle at Mother’s Day. How was I supposed to find a card that said “yea, so we didn’t get along, we really don’t like each other right now but hey-you’re a great mom!” Hallmark didn’t make anything that came close to that. I would stand there absolutely stressed out trying to find a card that really didn’t have some kind of a “mushy” undertone. That whole holiday made me so cynical that eventually I would find a humorous card to get her, hoping it would disguise the hurt and the anger I held in so deep.

All that came to a halt the day my son told me he “hated his parents”. WHAT? I’ve done everything in my power to do things opposite of what my mother did to me. I’ve been there for him through everything , I never raised an angry hand to him, I tried to buy him all these cool things that he asked for and he’s going to say he hates me!!! It was in that moment that the light came on. Now don’t get me wrong, my mother wasn’t winner of mother of the year but I wasn’t bringing home any trophies myself for best daughter. Despite everything that went on between us over the years, I turned out to be a decent person. I am who I am today, because of my mom. I am a strong woman, because of my mom; I am a Christian, because of my mom; I have strong ethics, because of my mom; I know that time together is more important than anything money can buy, and it’s because of my mom. I didn’t have the coolest toys or the designer clothes or the big house BUT I never went without. I’ve had it wrong this whole time. My mom did love me! She taught me things when I had no idea I was learning! My mom is the furthest thing from a string mucous thingy! You can’t find that kind of description in an online dictionary or in Webster. I look forward to the years that we have left together. I look forward to making up for lost time. You are truly a good mother and I love you dearly!