Worry Not

The one thing that I'm the most guilty of is worrying. I have such a hard time letting go of things and not worrying about them. I know that God will take care of everything for me. I know that He will "supply all my needs" and I have faith that He will. I just can't let go sometimes. My devotional today talked about worrying. The analogy used was that worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair...it gives you something to do but doesn't really get you anywhere! I had such a "V-8 moment" when I read that! How much less would my stress level be if I could just grasp onto that concept. I get so stressed out about things that I'm popping tums like candy and my eye will start twitching and I break out...I mean, seriously?! How attractive is that?? If I know that's what will happen when i do worry and do stress, then what they hey? Why do I? My prayer this week is that I won't worry...Paul's not working and the finances are a little pinched, but I'm letting go. I will cling to the promise He made me in Exodus 33:22-"I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand..." How can I possibly worry about anything when God covers me with His hand? How awesome to know that He will protect me and all I have to do is just let go!

Be Not Deceived...

I'm trying to be more pleasant with people who deem it necessary to treat me like crap from time to time. Nothing is solved when you respond to anger with anger. Although there are times when the red-horned guy on my left shoulder prevails over the angelic being on my right shoulder. It's at those times when I know that God rolls his eyes upwards, then shakes his head as He throws His hands up in a gesture that symbolizes "Are you kidding me?" Tuesday was one of those moments.

Why some men think that women don't know anything about vehicles or "man stuff" eludes me. Just because I wear a skirt and paint my toes, does not mean that my brain only functions in "foo-foo" mode! I can work on cars, do quite a bit of home repair, lay tile with the best of them, and love to get involved in"man projects". The body shop manager probably should not have assumed that I was a delicate little female that he could talk down to and would wither like a flower in the desert. Trying to tell me that it wasn't his fault that my car broke down and that he wasn't going to reimburse me the money I was out to repair his mistake did nothing but set me off in "balls of steel" form. My head and pointer finger swayed to the tune of "Oh no you didn't" while my face turned red and my tongue bounced to the tune of it's own drum. No, I didn't swear but when I was done, I left the office with a full reimbursement check and left the manager with a look of wonder and confusion...knowing that he was thinking "how did that skirt wearing lady with pretty painted toe nails know that I screwed her whole car up by overcharging her A/C?"

Sally Hanson should make a new nail polish color and call it "blind-sided red"!!

Daddy

I miss my daddy. I think about him ALL the time. I wonder why sometimes I still get so emotional about losing him, I mean, November 1995...that seems like forever-ago. It's too easy for me to recall the night I found out. Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't remember that part. Anytime the phone rings in the middle of the night now, my heart skips a beat. 3a.m...my aunt on the other end of the line...all I heard was "...your dad..." and I knew. NO!!! I screamed. I dropped the phone and fell to the kitchen floor, crying. WHY??? This can't be happening! My heart felt like it was literally breaking into pieces. This was my dad. I needed my dad. At that time in my life, I really needed him. And now he's gone. His smile, his laugh, his voice, the way he would place his hand on my shoulder and I would lead him anywhere he wanted to go, the times I would walk in the house from school or work and see him sitting on the floor listening to the radio, the first moment he held my son, all of that went through my head in a matter of seconds. None of that would be anymore. People came and went over the next few days and after the funeral...saying all the things they're supposed to say...none of it helped. I didn't want to hear any of that! STOP SAYING IT WILL GET EASIER!!! I don't want it to! I just want my dad back!!! I was so angry! I was so hurt! I was so....it didn't matter. Nothing did at that point. And nothing was going to bring him back. What could I possibly learn from this??

That was 13 years ago. It's gotten better. I think of him everyday. I still cry from time to time. Father's Day is my least favorite day. I get jealous of everyone loving and hugging on their father's...of everyone talking about how great their dad is. And I did learn. I learned to appreciate life more. I learned that God will never leave me or forsake me. I learned that it's not about the storm...it's learning to dance IN the storm.

Now, when I need my dad to give me a hug, I pray...and I can feel my Father's arms around me. I can feel my Heavenly Father soothing my aching heart. And I know that my dad is watching over me. I know that he's proud of me...I know that he sees more now than he ever imagined seeing when he was here.

I love you daddy. My heart is no longer consumed with grief over losing you...it is now filled with hope and faith that one day OUR Father will bring us together again.

Love Life!

"I can't believe that June is half over"... I've heard that twice today! Everyone says "time goes by way too fast" or "man I can't belive it's almost Christmas". I've been hearing that since I was a kid! Time hasn't moved any faster today than it did when I was little. It's us. Everyone is basically wishing their lives away and not even paying attention to things around them. Here's what I'm talking about: It starts with Sunday evenings. We start dreading Monday because we have to go back to work. We get up Monday and tell everyone how we can't wait until the weekend! Tuesday is all about laying in wait for "hump day". Wednesday is "hump day"...weekend is almost here! Thursday is ok because "tomorrow is Friday!" Then when Friday gets here, we're like "Sure am glad it's Friday!" And after the weekend, we start all over again...wishing our week away. Kids fly through the summer and by the end of July start dreading going back to school. 1st it's "can't wait until Christmas break" then it's "can't wait until Spring break" followed by "can't wait for the summer" and then all over again. I've been guilty of doing all of the above. If we could just take some time and reflect on life and take it slower, we wouldn't miss out on things that could possibly be there to make us happy. I don't want to miss out on living life to it's fullest with my best friend and my wonderful son. I don't want to live life wishing for the next day and the next day. I want to live life to the fullest everyday and not miss anything that goes on around me. To me, when I wake up, I'm glad to have another day and at night, it's a little disappointing to see the day end. "Did I get to experience everything to the fullest today? Did I miss anything that was important? Did I say I love you enough to everyone who was close to me?" We can't get that day back, so don't be so quick to see it go!

I read a quote from someone (can't remember the name) "No man is a failure who is enjoying life"---Enjoy life...it's a gift from God. Don't wish it away!

Listen!

My son is going to be a sophmore this year! I can't believe how time has flown by. It just seems that not too long ago he was reaching up for me to hold him. Now it's me reaching up and standing on my tiptoes to hug him! I have to admit that he is turning out to be a wonderful young man. Our only problem is school!


We got his grades in along with a notice saying that he was short 1 credit and it was Algebra. Sadly to say that is probably my gene showing out in him because I cannot stand math. The letter was postmarked June 4th, we received it on June 9th and it said he needed to be registered by May 29th to start classes on June 8th. Hello??? Little bit of a mess up on mailing those out don't ya think? Well, his dad said that it was probably too late to register him, even tho the school messed up on the mailing. I think I actually saw Tyler's stomach fall to his ankles! He immediately started sweating and was so upset. Without summer school, he might not be allowed to be a sophmore. I told him I'd call the school and talk to them, IF I could get someone to answer seeing that it was the summer! I cleared it all up by 9am on Thursday. He can make it up during his sophmore year. His father and I agreed to let him think on things a while...use this opportunity to teach a life lesson here-so we decided not to tell him right away. Poor Kid! He texted me every hour asking me if I'd heard anything. I just kept telling him that I would let him know when I did. After work, I went and told him in person. He was so excited and relieved that he grabbed my neck and hugged me so tight! Thank you mom! Thank you! was all he would say!

I felt a litte bad for putting him through that but he needed something to jar him a little to help him understand how important school is. How important it is to listen! If only they would listen to us! As Christians, God provides us with all the tools necessary to "pass life"- We just don't listen. I picture him watching me make a mistake because I didn't listen, and Him just burying His head in His hands...or shaking His head going "Are you kidding me?? Did I just not tell you how to fix that and you really are going to try and do it on your own??" Life would be so much easier if we would take the time to listen and do it right the first time instead of just trying to get by.

How will I be remembered?

We laid my father-in-law to rest yesterday. The funeral service was very nice. There were so many nice things said about him and each person who remembered him remembered the strong stand he took for God while he was alive. My pastor stopped me and told me that it was awesome to be remembered that way. He said he hoped that people said those things about him when he passed. Then I started thinking…what will people say about me? What kind of impact have I had on people? What kind of impression had I made on people’s lives? I quickly recalled the song by Nicole Nordeman:

How will they remember me? Did I choose to

love? Did I point to you enough to make a mark on things?I want to leave an offering A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your name unapologetically and leave that kind of legacy…Not well traveled,
not well read, not well-to-do or well bred Just want to hear instead, "Well done" good and faithful one…”

I hope that people will remember the good that I’ve done after I'm gone. I hope they remember me for being caring, giving, loving….a mother, a sister, a friend, a wife, and above all else a Christian.

Brutus

I grew up in a small, laid back town in West Virginia-where everybody knew everybody. I lived right next door to my grandparents and to my aunt and uncle. At the end of our back yards was a small alley way that led right into our neighbors' back yards. No one belived in private fences then, so all the yards ran together like branches on a vine...one could barely tell where one yard left off and another began. This created a wonderful playground area that invited all the neighborhood children in. Every evening my sisters and i would play with Charlie and Cheryl Ball. They would come over across the alley and some days we would play from the time the dew was soaking our feet until we were giving lightning bugs a mason jar home. Cheryl was a gymnast and had a huge jungle gym that I longed to play on more than anything. There was just one problem---Brutus. Brutus was Cheryl's boxer. To most people Brutus was a medium sized dog but to me he was Goliath! And so my fear of dogs kept me from exploring the world of gymnastics.

However, one day my curiosity got the best of me. I had ventured outside on my own and noticed that Brutus was asleep in his cage. I decided this was my chance to go for the gold medal and I crept quietly by the sleeping beast. I climbed up the ladder and grabbed on tight to the horizontal bars. Those two minutes of swinging and flipping were pure ecstasy for me! That was until I completed my "perfect ten" dismount and landed right in front of Brutus' cage. It was at that point that my gold medal hopes were gone because I realized his door was open and he was awake!! A wave of panic swept over my little body and I raced through the yard like a bat out of hell. But so did Brutus!

Cheryl's father, who had been mowing his yard, jumped in on the chase in an effort to keep me from being Brutus' next meal. My uncle, hearing Mr. Ball's stream of obscenities, became the fourth member of our game of chase. Hearing the tremendous ruckus, my grandfather slid out from his truck he had been working on and slipped into a close fifth place position. During this entire time I had been loudly pleading with God to help me. Help me! Please! And He did. The Dallas Cowboys had nothing on the tackling that transpired that afternoon. A huge huddle of men and beast lay in the middle of another neighbor's yard and I had been saved! Those men were my heros...the unsung heros of Hunsaker Street.

That summer I lost interest in gymnastics. Gold medals were no longer my desire. Instead, I used this experience to concentrate on ribbons and brought home the blue ribbon in our school relay!